The Right One
As you read this teaching it is important to keep an open mind and be led by the Holy Spirit. As all situations are different, use this teaching as a guideline. Beloved as you hear these words, do not feel daunted if you cannot picture yourself in them., This is the time for change and the time for a new beginning.
How do you catch the right one? Simple: You take only the bus that's headed the right direction.
First, we must allow our Heavenly Father to choose for us. Second, the decision regarding a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it can be made on an emotional one.
What about love? "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" (Jer 17:9). The heart is wilful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love!
Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).
Whenever you meet a man or a woman, you must first obtain clearance from God properly, judge his or her character, and only then allow your heart to engage.
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design for relationships is friendship, courtship and then marriage.
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively; it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing for your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts.
Let’s compare the gathering of facts to the process of shopping for clothes.
1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man or woman have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he or she care what God thinks about his or her behaviour? Is he or she accountable to God, as well as another co-labourer in the faith?
2. Accountability is an important factor, as it is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of your same family – the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Cor 6:14). You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of day-to-day living. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together in the long run.
Furthermore, does he or she want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married, while men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a man or woman says he or she is not looking for anything serious, take those words seriously. If he or she is not going your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
3. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. There will be no guessing, no fleeces, and no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord" (Prov 18:22).
Who finds whom? The man finds the wife. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.
In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate; Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib, though it is important for both men and women to make great efforts to meet other singles. Furthermore, it is true that some men are shy, and in cases like this, a lady might have to take the first step. In theory, though, you don't have to help a guy out because he's shy. Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want.
The man in your life should recognise you as the pearl of his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to obtain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. You don't need a bunch of men or women in your life to make you feel good about yourself. You need only one: the one God has selected for you. And trust me, the right man or woman at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man or woman at any time. So trust in God's timing. He is the ultimate matchmaker.
Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again – wait until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. Men should love women first, and they should lead the relationship.
4.The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear.
5. Check out his or her friends. Everyone knows that birds of a feather flock together, yet most men/women fail to see the connection between a man/woman and his friends.
A man's/woman’s pals will tell you a lot about the person that you haven't yet seen. They reveal things about character that might be hidden when he or she is on good behaviour. Everyone knows how to put their best foot forward. Don't stay focused on the foot; check out the rest of the body!
6. Check out the patterns of his/her life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his/her personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Difficulty committing, including within the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he/she embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he/she keep promises? Is he/she a man/woman of good reputation? Remember, all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man/woman in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he/she is made of the right stuff.
7. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam that needed help once Adam became busy with his assignment. As we saw with Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is your guy guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him?
A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you'll be miserable too if you know where you want to go in life. A woman with a clear mission does not intimidate a man who has vision. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation are not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates with you. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ.
Remember, we are looking for a man who will be the priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
9. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessings to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack; it’s too expensive a proposition.
If the man/woman you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit your identity in the process? Or does he/she see you as the gift that you are?
The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel – because of you he is getting ready to be blessed, big time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you must work for love is too expensive!
God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but also emotionally and spiritually. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
10. Does he/she have a healthy love and acceptance of himself/herself? Make sure the man/woman in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace. How he/her cares for himself/herself is how he/she will care for you.
A man's relationship with God is crucial here, as his love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is something that you cannot impart. You cannot be his saviour or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run.
If you and your man can't soar in the Spirit, and when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.
So you must decide: How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus set the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man?
Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is that everyone knows that anything worth having costs. No one gets a ride in this life for free.
Please pray this prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into your hands for safekeeping.
Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate your love for me, let me learn from your example what a bridegroom should be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me.
As I embrace you as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of your own heart, as I rest in your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me, I ask that you take over this area of my life. Keep me from those you know would hurt my heart.
I invite you to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate you have selected for me.
Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men/women I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that you know what is best for me; therefore, I yield to your choice. In the name of Jesus. Amen.
Finally, it is done and settled; walk along this faith and prayer and know that God will bring the one who is special and unique for you. Do not be moved by what you see, but only by the word of God. It is done.
When I say "I am a Christian’’
When I say, "I am a Christian” I’m not shouting "I'm living clean." I'm whispering, "I was lost, now I'm found.” When I say ''I am a Christian'' I am forgiven. When I say "I am a Christian'' I don't speak of this with pride. I’m confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide. When I say, "I am a Christian'' I’m not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I am weak and need His strength to carry on. When I say, "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting that I have failed and need God to clean up my mess. When I say, "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are far too visible. But, God believes I am worth it. When I say, "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name. When I say, "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou; I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!
Share this with somebody who already has this understanding, as reinforcement. But more importantly, share this with those who do not have a clear understanding of what it means to be a Christian, so that the myth that people think they are "perfect" or "better than others” can be dispelled.